Mary Carey: The Sex Wrecks Interview

Fuck Larry Flynt. If that silk-suited porn version of Raymond Burr as "Ironside" hadn't shut down Hustler Erotic Video Guide, I, as former editor, might have been able to convince Mary Carey that, for the sake of publicity, her fans and my own pent-up angst it might be a good idea to conduct the following interview in person.

And it might be an even better idea if, while doing it, I could strip her, smear her up with some Manteca® lard, shove a ham sandwich in her mouth, whack her big ass with a wire coat hanger, splooge all over her face and then dump her in an alley somewhere.

As it is, I'm probably lucky that the hard-partying former California gubernatorial candidate, Kick Ass Pictures contract chick and the product of a long line of retards even returned my phone call. Surprisingly, Mary Carey's a pleasant girl. Which just makes that pork-laden fantasy of mine seem all the more vile. So, thanks Larry Flynt. May your surgically-installed, hydraulically-operated hard-on device spring a leak. And Mary? Any time you want to smoke crack, swill martinis and get greasy with the Other White Meat, you know where to find me.

And you can always find Mary Carey at: www.marycarey.com

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So, Mary, how did that run for governor work out for you?

It worked out very well. It was a lot of fun, you know. I also learned a lot about politics...and it's definitely helped me make a lot more money. My appearance rate has gone up, my movies sell more, I get called in for guest spots on different things. It's definitely helped a lot and I learned a lot from it.

There was a time when you couldn't watch cable news without seeing Mary Carey.

I'd only been in porn for about a year before all that happened. So I went from being a pretty new girl to being pretty well known. It was exciting.

Like being under a microscope?

A little. But I don't have anything to hide, so I didn't mind being under the microscope. I actually miss having all those cameras around me. I love being on camera. I love being the center of attention.

Now what?

I just did my first boy/girl scene in, like, a year yesterday for my interactive DVD.

Interactive VD?

No, DVD. It's called Virtual Sex with Mary Carey.

And what kind of virtual sex is on the virtual menu?

It's shot so that you don't see the guy's face. You just see his penis. So, for the person at home, it looks like they're having sex with me. I had a great time doing it. It was so much fun.

So I'm a dude who drops his cash on this release. What do I get?

Well, there are lots of options. A lot of different sex positions. You can choose to see me masturbate with my fingers or a toy. You can choose to get a blowjob or a handjob or a footjob. And the angles all look like you're getting it. Like, if I was giving you a blowjob, I'd be looking at your face. It was so fun. I worked with Julian and he's my favorite guy in the business.

Why the moratorium on boy/girl sex?

Well, because I was married. I'm getting divorced. He didn't want me doing guys. But I love to do boy/girl movies. Those are my favorites. It feels good to be having sex with guys again.

Divorced, huh? Did the business tear you two lovebirds apart?

We were fighting a lot before, and the business didn't help. He's a very jealous guy...but he's very protective too.

Were you married before you came into the business?

Yeah, I was. I was married while I was a college student. When I first started in the business, I only did girls, so he didn't mind. But he just doesn't like the business. He thinks it's disgusting and dirty. And he's just controlling. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. He's stupid.

You've developed something of a reputation as a party chick.

Yeah, I am. I love to drink and everything. I love drinking and...I just love to have fun. Having fun is like my favorite thing to do. I love going out, but I've been on the road a lot in strip clubs. I'm only 24 years old, and I'm not drinking or doing drugs all day long. There's nothing wrong with that occasionally. I mean, I guess somebody like Britney Spears has to lie about what she does because she's like a kids' role model or something. I have sex on camera, so I'm about as bad as I can get.

So what was it like having parents who were, uh, developmentally disabled?

My mom came on the Howard Stern show with me once and she's mentally handicapped. My dad was too. He's dead now. My grandparents raised me. It was hard, you know? My grandfather died when I was 16 and my grandmother died last year. So my life became tough when I was about 16.

Despite all that you went to prep school, right?

I went to Pinecrest in Fort Lauderdale which is private preparatory school. It costs about $10,000 a year to attend. It's a really good school. I loved it there. It was great.

Any plans for when your performing days are through?


I'd like to do real estate. Maybe go back to school. Maybe I'll marry a rich man and I won't have to do anything.

But you're getting divorced now. Would it be different with another guy?

My husband didn't have any money. I want to find someone who has it. I had to support my husband.

Didn't that make you lose all respect for him?

I started thinking like that, yeah. I mean I don't have any respect for him anymore.

Anything happening for you at Kick Ass Pictures?

I have four more years on my contract with them. When I signed, it was for five.

Any plans to do any fetish stuff?

I'd like to.

Like to get smeared with lard and spanked with a wire coat hanger?

Where would I be getting spanked?

Uh, on your big, fine ass?

Oh! That might be fun. I like getting spanked.

Anything you want to plug?

My website! My website! It's www.marycarey.com. And you'll have to come to my next shoot in a few weeks. It'll be fun.