Nudity Content Must Be Over 18

Jules Jordan’s Ass Worship Seven: Assphyxiation

DVD review by Sir Richard Lickington

Jules Jordan’s Ass Worship Seven: Assphyxiation (Evil Angel)
Director: Jules Jordan
Starring: Katsumi, Lauren Phoenix, Brooke Haven, Vanessa Lane,
Gia Paloma, Flower Tucci

These days, aficionados of anal action have no trouble finding fuck films that feature fudge-packing to flog their flippers to, but one rectal ramrodder stands apart from the rest. Jules Jordan makes that detour in through the out door like no one else, and in Ass Worship Seven: Assphyxiation, he’s rounded up six ladies loaded with some of the most lovely loaf-pinchers in the business. I’ll just say that young French-Japanese B-cup beauty Katsumi (whose name must mean “Service Entrance in Rear” in her native tongue) and well-proportioned California surf slut Lauren Phoenix steal the show.

Katsumi’s scene begins with some perfunctory long shots of her shaking her round Asian ass at the camera but really gets going when anal auteur Jules Jordan brings in a silver tray loaded up with dildos of ever shape and size, then proceeds to shove them in each end of the digestive tract in turn, starting with the end. Katsumi’s ass has never looked better than it does with three pink butt-plugs crowded into her narrow poop-chute.

It doesn’t stay narrow for long, though, because Jules eventually grows tired of seeing inanimate pieces of rubber have all the fun and he soon guides his crotch rocket down into the smoldering crater of Mt. Gluteus, opening that thing up like Krakatoa, and nearly as loudly!

The inevitable eruption of love lava comes on Katsumi’s face, and we can all sleep well knowing she won’t be walking right for a couple of weeks.

What can you say about Lauren Phoenix? I get the feeling when she’s surrounded by raised meat-masts, she’d start sticking them in her ears if she could. And I’m not complaining.

As it happens, though, there are exactly enough dicks in the scene with her to fill the three most widely recognized fuckable orifices--her ass, mouth, and pussy. Watching Lauren commit the acts in of Sodom is an awe-inspiring thing. Like a disgraced Roman soldier, she impales herself on an upturned disk-sword ass first and pushes down so hard that her lucky fella ends up with half his nutsack in her lower intestine!

Lauren’s scene begins unconventionally, with her putting on a slinky back dress before she parades her sweet little derriere downstairs to get violated six ways from Sunday. Don’t question the artist!

Having spanked and thanked, one question remains regarding Ass Worship Seven: Why is there a pentagram on the cover? To paraphrase the words of a man who knows asses as well as anyone--because it’s a very, very . . . very devilish movie.