Nudity Content Must Be Over 18

Surrender the Booty

DVD review by Captain Dick Lickington

Surrender the Booty (Metro)
Director: Anton Slayer
Starring: Harmony, Flower Tucci, Eve Lawrence, Austin Kincaid, Brooke Haven, Alexis Amore

Avast, ye scurvy pussy-hounds, it’s the pirates of the Hairpie-reamin’! There
be plenty to raise your mast to in Metro’s new pirate-themed porn vid Surrender the Booty. Things start off pretty damn shipshape with busty brunette Eve Lawrence, who gets boarded by seven-inch swashbuckler Brian Surewood and rides her captain’s cutlass like a schooner on a wild nor’easter before taking a load of his bilge all over her face.

But for this sea dog, the mast flogging began in earnest with the arrival on deck of Flower Tucci, a bodacious blonde with natural titties and a predilection for being choked a little bit while she rides Moby Dick. Besides thoughtfully wearing a pair of pantaloons that opens in both back and front for easy access to both her portholes, Flower also brings to the scene a talent for gushing, which she does several times (once with a dinghy parked in her poopdeck!), eliciting the obligatory cry of “Thar she blows!” from her cock-wielding corsair Lee Stone.

I would indeed deserve to walk the plank if I didn’t mention Surrender the Booty’s scorching threesome featuring towheaded and curvaceous veteran porn slut Brooke Haven and Metro cover girl Harmony a nasty blond with a supermodel’s face and a body to make anyone’s Roger jolly.

After making out and undressing each other while performing bilge-sucking duties on Talon’s privateer, they take turns gobbling his grog before Harmony goes below Brooke’s decks for a taste of the briny deep. Finally, both girls climb Talon’s crow’s nest for a ride before they kneel in front of his bowsprit and coax his cannon into unloading a mighty load into their goo-gobblers, which they politely share, tongue-fucking each other’s mouths as the scene fades out.

Austin Kincaid, a sultry brunette with well-inflated buoys, has her treasure chest plundered by the cutlass of seasoned blaggard Alex Sanders, getting keelhauled in every position before Cap’n Sanders finally maroons his seamen on her face. In the last scene, a miserable swab with the unlikely name of Jean Val Jean gives no quarter to Caribbean queen Alexis Amore, pounding away at her Blackbeard like The Queen Anne’s Revenge as she sings a few bars of that time-honored sea-chantey of the butt pirates, “Fuck me harder, Matey!” before she feels the welcome sea spray on her face.

The scurvy dogs who say that women on ships bring certain misfortune are probably right, but as Surrender the Booty shows us, sometimes bad luck can still result in a good fuck!