Nudity Content Must Be Over 18

Lauren Phoenix’s Fuck Me

DVD review by Sir Richard Lickington

Lauren Phoenix’s Fuck Me (Evil Angel/Harmony)
Director: Gazzman
Starring: Lauren Phoenix, Ariana Jolee, Haley Paige, Jayna Oso, Taylor Rain, Roxy Jezel, Angelica Sin, Sophia, Melissa Lauren, Kylie Ireland, Eve Laurence

With a well-earned reputation as one of XXX’s hottest new performers, gorgeous all-natural blonde Lauren Phoenix will have your firebird rising from the ashes and make you want to go down on her altar of fire with her latest offering, Fuck Me.

Lauren is as nasty as she is beautiful, and she opens every scene addressing the viewer with a cock in one or both of her non-talking orifices, spilling her dirtiest secrets. I always suspected these girls got moist as a snack cake thinking about me spanking it to their anal excursions, but if Lauren says it, I know it has to be true.

Her opening scene finds her teamed up with two sex-centurions packing seven-inch skin scimitars ready to poke her every hole. After slobbing both knobs to maximum hardness, Lauren lowers herself, reverse cowgirl style, onto a throbbing pole, sending her costar’s massive member deep into the recesses of her colon as she continues to diddle her clit and gobble the rod dangling in her face.

Eventually, Lauren gets on her knees and gets her rump pumped and her cunt stuffed at the same time in a doggy style DP. And although Ms. Phoenix isn’t agile enough (regrettably) to stick her tongue into her own shitter and thereby to achieve the greatest love of all, she’s perfectly capable of sucking the muff juice and ass-grease cocktail off the cocks that have so lately been assaulting her nether regions. Her continuous deposits and withdrawals at the ATM continue until the money shot pours out all over her crotch in tens and twenties.

Latin lust-bomb Jayna Oso examining the instruments with which she plans to invade her equally hot and hard-bodied friend Haley’s tight little turd-cutter. Both girls are greasy and dressed in army uniforms, I guess because they’re getting ready for some deep trench warfare.

Finally selecting a giant speculum, Jayna gets to work turning Haley’s puckered little starfish into a black hole sun. Seeing the size of the gaping maw from which not even light can escape opening up between her friend’s taut and tanned butt-cheeks puts Jayna in the mood for some deep space exploration, so she picks out a giant chrome pocket rocket that would put Apollo 12 to shame and aims it for the heart of Her-anus.

Before long, a couple of well-hung spacemen show up and take these fiery chiquititas for a ride, pounding all six yawning holes with their mighty poles.

All the girls in Lauren Phoenix’s Fuck Me are to be commended for offering their sweet asses on the altar of Sodom with such gusto, but Ariana Jolee deserves special recognition for stretching out her sphincter like a rubber band around the Sunday New York Times by taking two cocks so large that most girls would have trouble fitting one of them into their snatches into her well-worn third input. If you like to see two cocks rubbing together in a sweaty asshole and you’re not gay (or even if you are), you’re going to go through a box of tissue on this scene.

Here’s the bottom line- If a gorgeous girl with a cock-hungry shitcan like Lauren Phoenix says “Fuck Me” then I, for one, am going to by God fuck her, or at least jerk off to the thought.