My Failed Attempts at Being a Lesbian

By Piper Lakehurst

Girls. Girls. Girls. I did not have the pleasure of experimenting in college. Girls just never turned me on. Oh, I tried to change. Every time I was dumped or stood up I vowed to be a lesbian. But usually a new guy would come in and save me from having to eat pussy. My only “experimenting” started in grade school and then ended in high school.

When I was little I was a searcher. I searched around the house for buried treasure. Anything pretty and shiny would instantly turn into a magical tool for my sorceress adventures. I spent a lot of time in my parents’ closet.

One day I found a Playboy hidden underneath a stack of my father’s jeans. The sorceress was gone and the little pervert was born. I thought the women were bad for being naked, but I couldn’t stop looking at them. I began posing like them and pretending that people were taking pictures of me. First I did this with my clothes on; then I took them off. This was done quickly ‘cause I didn’t want to get caught.

I got my friend Angie in on it too. I showed her the Playboy and we practiced posing together. She would pose and I would be the photographer and vice versa. Then I saw two girls together in the magazine, so Angie and I started posing together. We did this all with our clothes on. Angie was easily manipulated, so I soon was able to get her to take her clothes off.

My favorite movie was Love at First Bite where George Hamilton plays this romantic Dracula. So I played the part of Dracula and Angie would be my victim. We were very careful about touching. We didn’t want to get out naughty bits too close. Angie kinda disgusted me; she was real skinny. All I remember is saying, “I vant to suck your blood,” then my mom walking in. My mom was grossed out and I think had to deal with issues of me possibly growing up a lesbian. I hung my head in shame, and Angie and I never took off our clothes together again.

Next there was Cassie. She was older than me and such an asshole. My friend Bridget and I hung out with her and were intrigued by her assholeness and experience with boys and drugs. One afternoon at Cassie’s house, she decided to play rape. Rape? Whatever. If I didn’t she might beat me up. So she pretended to attack Bridget and ripped her clothes off. We giggled in horror. Then it was my turn. Cassie pointed her pretend gun at me and told me to strip or she’d shoot. I whimpered and obliged her.

When my clothes were off Cassie told me to lie down and spread my legs. Then she noticed that I was all red down there. “Why is your crotch so red?” she asked. “I don’t know,” I answered. It’s not what you think. I didn’t have my period. I was just prone to rashes. I think I was just red ‘cause I rode my bike. Cassie was disgusted.

“Bridget, take off your underwear,” she ordered. Bridget obeyed. Cassie then compared us and took off her own underwear. “See, you have something wrong with you. Bridget and I are normal and you’re all icky. Put your clothes back on and get out of her! I don’t want to catch whatever it is you have!”

I ran home and cried. The redness went away in about an hour. It probably was the bike. Bridget never told anyone ‘cause I knew she peed the bed. She peed on me once when I was sleeping over. Plus, her brother was mentally challenged and tried to rape me once. So I had quite a bit on her. She stayed my friend until she moved away. We never got naked together again. Cassie probably discovered crack the next day. I never saw her again.

Tracy was fun. We took showers together. Nothing special. One day while I was in her shower washing off the sand after a day of swimming at the lake Tracy jumped in. “What are you doing?” She just looked at me. “Tracy!” I covered myself up with my hands. She said, “I need to take a shower too and this will save time and water.”

No, she didn’t wash my back or drop the soap. Just showered. I thought it was weird but she was completely okay with it. I tried to have a talk with her to establish our un-lesbianism. But she refused to talk about it and said it was totally normal. Her parents were ok with it too. Her mom came in and brought us fresh towels once.

Ah, Karen. Karen was like a boy. She was manly and played sports. Her parents had her when they thought they couldn’t have kids anymore. The closest sibling to her was thirty while she was in her teens. She was constantly reminded that she was a mistake and very depressed. It was my mission to save her. We were inseparable.

Karen had a drinking problem already and would tell me it helped with her headaches. So she got dunk and I took care of her. This was my one and only true lesbian experience. We kissed and cuddled. She felt me up a little; she made it seem like an accident. I wanted her to be my boyfriend, but she was a girl. Then at a party we both made out with other boys and that was the end of our affair. She went on to be very popular. I became very punk rock.

So that’s it. I’ve kissed a few girls since but have never gone farther than that. I don’t want to. I love dick too much. And it’s okay for you to beat off to any and all of the above.